At least we have Ghana

It's the World Cup, baby! Today's draw...could have gone better for the United States. Making the second round shouldn't come cheap, though...and in Group E, it definitely won't.

Group A - Almost History

Poland was one ping-pong ball away from facing Germany in the opening match (!). After being drawn first from Pot 3, Poland was to be placed in one of the two remaining spots in Group A, A2 or A3 (Ecuador had already been placed in A4). Alas, the historic match-up was not to be. Germany will likely reprise its opening match from the 1994 World Cup, an instantly forgettable 1-0 victory over Bolivia, when facing Costa Rica in Munich on June 9.

As the host nation, Germany should run away with this group. Second place will earn a spot against England, with a chance of Sweden, in the second round.

Group B - The Afterthought

Barring some remarkable performances from Paraguay, this group's top spot should come down to who can score the most against Trinidad & Tobago. England and Sweden should reach their end-of-round match with six points each, leading to a meaningless 1-1 draw in which Wayne Rooney and David Beckham strive desperately to avoid yellow card suspensions.

Group C - 9, 6, 3, 0

I'm calling it now -- someone will win the Argentina-Netherlands match. It won't really matter, though, because each of them will make it to the final eight, and neither of them can face Brazil until at least the semifinals. I'm also calling this now -- the Ivory Coast-Serbia & Montenegro match will have more red cards than any other in this tournament. Think about it -- two teams coming in with no points; an African team that has probably turned on its manager (they qualified over Cameroon, so they may as well follow in the Indomitable Lions' footsteps); and, as Turkey didn't qualify, I think S&M has what it takes to be the 2006 sending-off champ.

Group D - Even Portugal Can't Screw This Up

Mexico must be happy. Iran and Angola, meet Jared Borgetti's head. This is why it's good to be seeded...especially when the only threatening team in Pot 4, the United States, can't be placed in your group. But Portugal must be even happier. After being overwhelmed in the first half-hour by the United States and giving up a weak goal to South Korea to choke their way out in 2002, the Portuguese have received valet parking and a red carpet on their way to a round-of-16 defeat.

Group E - And I Like The Chicago Bears' Chances, Too

It's not a true Group of Death -- unless Ghana turns out to be really good, that is -- but it does have the Czech Republic, ranked second in the world, and Italy, against whom I'll be amazed if DaMarcus Beasley doesn't get injured. (I just can't imagine the Azzurri letting him run by them for 90 minutes without incident.) If the United States knew they would end up with this draw, they would have been much more upset about missing out on a seed by one lousy point.

The path to the second round for the United States is clear -- don't lose either of the first two matches, and then take Ghana out behind the Holzhütte (bastardized German for woodshed). No injuries. (Claudio, J.O'B., this means you.) No suspensions. (Entire backline, this means you.) Donovan actually converting a breakaway. Keller playing as out-of-his-mind as Friedel did four years earlier. Gooch frustrating strikers. Beasley driving defenders insane. And McBride justifying my jersey purchase.

Group F - Ronaldinho reminds me of Tori Spelling. There, I said it.

Brazil's offensive depth -- all-world Robinho (which is pronounced Rob-EEN-yo, not ROB-in-ho...) probably won't even start -- could be the best thing to happen to Australia or Croatia, because even the Brazilian subs will still be able to light up Japan at the end of the group stage. Whoever takes second place in this group will end up being one of those "Wow, I didn't realize they made the second round in 2006" teams. You know, like Paraguay in 2002 or Paraguay in 1998. [Hmmm, maybe Paraguay won't be quite the walk-over I think they will in Group B.]

Group G - Even France Can't Screw This Up

Repeated heading, yes. But, seriously -- Switzerland, South Korea, and Togo? France should thank their lucky stars that they've been handed a waterslide to a penalty shootout with Italy in the quarterfinals. [Did that Bill and Ted's reference fly by too quickly?] I would like Togo's chances to go through -- if the three teams other than France all play to draws, Togo could advance by knocking off France, who will likely have wrapped up the group by then, on the last day of group play. However, after getting embarrassed by Senegal in their first match in 2002, France simply can't blow this game against another African unknown...can they?

Group H - The Big East Conference

Seriously, folks...this is West Virginia in a BCS bowl. Except if the conference got to send two teams.

I've never been a believer in Spain, even though I'd be surprised to see them fail to advance. I'm not much of a believer in Ukraine, either, even though they were the first side to qualify from Europe. As usual, I have no idea what to expect with Tunisia or Saudi Arabia. (That should reflect on them, not on me, I hope.) But as the group winner gets Brazil in the quarters and the runner-up gets France in the next round, this may be one of the groups whose games I don't stay home from work to watch. [After all, that's what live web updates are for.]